Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
no more hot dogs for you........
fine no more vajj for you
i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
Once again there IS no outside bathroom. Never has been, that is the balcony
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
Randomize
