I havnt been this mad since the coche de Los murtos incident
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
Shame is for Republicans.
Randomize
