just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
also, did you notice that when he quoted your email he used MLA format?
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
He just found another high guy at wal-mart. There now friends. His friend is eating a cupcake
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
Randomize
