This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
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