Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
We made a drinking game out of Project Runway. Gay guys are so fun.
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
I am mentally ready for anal.
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
Randomize
