i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
Was just hit on by a guy with 2 kids and one was named Rocky. I need to get out of Buena Park.
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
i don't know what body building stuff he's on, but his cum is basically a 5 hour energy shot.
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
Randomize
