So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
just really comprehended the fact that I'm getting high at the same place I used to play as a child. the nostalgia and thc is mixing together in one, intense wave. WHO HAVE I BECOME
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
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