Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
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