I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
Randomize
