Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
Just check with her if girls can get blown, that's all.
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
Randomize
