So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
I just remember her telling me "Hi, my names Kaissa and I'm a lesbian" over and over and over and over again as I was crying.
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
Randomize
