remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
Randomize
