Btw I've read that book you bought me...And I'm such a bitch now
But I don't think guys love me
Good. I was naked most of the night. But sometimes I would wear my tux vest...But only my tux vest. It was classy
I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
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