I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
Is pulling weed out of a vagina a good thing or a bad thing?
Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
Randomize
