Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
Its against the rules to not make you aware of his virgin situation prior to penetration
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
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