His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
Randomize
