Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
When did we convert life to cartoon?
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
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