no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
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