i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
a large sweaty girl i dont know is sleeping in my bed. A scotish man and a small child looking dude are on the couches im on the floor sleeping and im ok with it
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
Randomize
