HIV tests are more positive than that guy
oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
please come you make the beer taste better
we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
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