he wanted to have me eat skittles off of his body. he mad gay sex even gayer.
i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
Randomize
