before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
A gentleman never tells..... therefore i will neither confirm nor deny the attatched photos
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
Randomize
