hes 24 and dating a highschool junior and keeps saying how happy he is. happy about what? her ACT score??
I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
according to the video, you won you first drunken karaoke contest based off of your actual singing abilities and not because you took your shirt! I've never been prouder :)
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
Randomize
