Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
her fupa was seducing me. this is the last time i'm doing shrooms.
If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
Randomize
