Only in Montana can you find Septic Services that would display "Christian owned and operated" on the side of the truck. I'm oddly going to miss this state.
I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
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