Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
There was an awkward moment where I was going for his cock and he reach out and held my hand, thinking that what I was doing
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
How much beer/TP for a BJ? Trying to set my new rates.
Randomize
