I really love her but I don't think I can go the rest of my life without anal.
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
He posted a picture from Senor Frogs. I don't remember where that bikini came from and my sombrero is PERPENDICULAR. Safe to say it was one hell of a day
MIDGETS
????
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
Randomize
