I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
does 2pm fall under the wake n bake category?
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
Randomize
