You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
Randomize
