I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
just watched an entire episode so you think you can dance for head. so wasn't worth it
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
Randomize
