He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
Randomize
