if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
hdsncx Gizmo asnqw toilet blanasdi
ok, stay where you are, be there soon
i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
Hate to say it and even though I definitely have a biased opinion but I'm surprised your not, sleeping with anyone else. Good personality, charisma and amazing in the sack.
Feel free to use me as a reference.
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
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