Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
do you think they ever dumped Gatorade over Michael Vick's head after his dog won?
so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
Randomize
