Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
If there's anything in this world better than hotboxing in the rain I haven't found it yet.
Agreed
I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
Randomize
