I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
Why did the sexual harassment class show a clip from frozen?
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
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