been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
Randomize
