Four minutes until I can fart!
there is a large number of people floating in the fountains the morning in inter-tubes...its only 930. did i miss something?
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
Randomize
