It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
I am 90% sure the kid in front of me in class is picking his face spots, smelling it, and then eating it. That is a LOT of % sure for something like that.
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
I need a beard to bite.
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
Randomize
