Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
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