SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
Agreed. Everyone should experience a blackout before 3pm in their lifetime.
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
He called his prostate his "boner button".
was his dick as big as our hopes and dreams?
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
Randomize
