The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
I'm having Vietnam flashbacks. This Kid I hooked up with is speaking in class and I keep experiencing the terror.
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
Randomize
