you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
he was cumming and all I could think about was the pathway of sperm the in penis. thanks a lot nursing
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
Randomize
