I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
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