I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
Randomize
