I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
The last thing I remember was naked hot tub and taking a shot and using the hot tub water as a chaser. Not acceptable.
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
he said he's going to burn things and pack his stuff. he may leave tomorrow supposedly but i doubt it
Randomize
