Just mADE A PArabola og urine
It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
Can you face time me. I need to know if this pill is xanex or ecstasy
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
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