it was beautiful and magic like when a hot girl grabs her own tits and smiles at you
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
Randomize
