; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
watching E! true Hollywood story: curse of the lottery.. i'd probably spend all my money on blow and airplanes too..
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
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