It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
I hope you enjoy this collage I made of you and me getting fucked up together
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
Randomize
