i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
Is drinking merlot and watching womens figure skating by myself gay?
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
Randomize
