in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
Randomize
